the paraguayan reverie

Well what to say... its been more than a year that ive been in this country and im finding myself reflecting more and more about what im doing here and why exactly I should push myself to do the best work that I can. I still wonder sometimes: am I really what a peace corps volunteer should be? How would my work be different if I had a different temperment or work ethic? Am what Im doing really making a difference to the people with whom i work (or at least try to work)? I am, it seems, full of questions about myself. Im not really doing any self doubting about my place in paraguay, but i see more and more how my work can have the potential to really influence people of groups of people.

One project thats been weighing on me a bit has been the colegio design project. All the planning, the struggling to explain my reasoning and rational for why i want to run the project like so, and the seeming inability of various people to take an active interest in the project even when it will directly influence their quality of life and the standards existing within the community.

At this point, Ive finished doing the student surveys about their preferences for the colegio and the school grounds. Im still not even sure that ive really collected acurate data. When I ask the students about their responses to certain questions, for example, to describe their ideal colegio, they end up drawing the only colegio that they can conceptualize: Swing sets, a few separated buildings, a few flowers and a futbol pitch. This was slightly irritating. And in addition I had to pretty much explain each question verbally in guarani, as even the ninth graders cannot read spanish correctly, much less understand what the words actually mean. This is ok, and the data is still telling, but its utility for my project is very much in question.

I also had asked them to draw their ideal space to learn the subjects of the colegio. Many drew futbol pitches again, and they even rationaled that this was in fact was a learning space.

I had to consider myself and my biasas for a bit in this case. If someone told me this normally, of course I would normally assume that they didnt understand the question or else they were just trying to screw with me. Yet all the kids who drew non sensical things such as learning spaces (like water and grass) or a volleyball court, when questioned about their rational for drawing or writing these things, claimed most adamantly that all these things were in fact their ideal learninig spaces.

What does this say? It says that either the kids cannot even begin to wrap their heads around the idea of a space not already in existence (very posible) and therefore just drew what they liked. Or else they were completly serious, and i should take them serious as well. How can i see through their points of view? What information can I glean from the non sensical responses? When I looked at a drawing of an ideal learning space that only includes a bookcase full of books and a piece of chalk, and asked the kid "is this all you want to draw? A bookcase for your ideal learning space?" I should try to see it from their perspective as they answer "yes!".

When i imagine this drawing, i would include the things that I focus on: the space, where the students sit, and how the building interacts with the exterior space. Each person sees something different. Each thing is then filtered through their biases and socialy norms/taboos. What results is that someone may see the floor and how exacting it has been fitted together. more to come in a sec